100 Things

My head is swimming, mostly good things. I could probably write a post for each of them, but I don’t have time. So tonight is one of those disjointed glimpses of my reality. Bullet points & all:

- I am a darn good cook. I didn’t know that until recently, but it’s true. I’m having a blast trying others’ recipes and learning more about flavor combinations as I go to then create my own. My head is teeming with recipe ideas and I run across new recipes daily that I want to try. I hope the delicious food inspiration never runs out. But I need a bigger kitchen.

- Skyler is so much fun. She’s a pill, a jagged one at times, yes, but when it’s good, it’s REAL good. We’ve had two fantastic weekends in a row where she’s been on pretty good behavior. She survived a seven hour CrossFit competition in the gymnasium of a church with nothing but Pink Bear. People complimented me in amazement that she stuck that out and didn’t cry or misbehave. Probably because I held the promise of going to see a movie over her head, but hey, it worked! And we had a blast at the movie (Alvin & the Chipmunks “Chipwrecked”). And she says the funniest things. A song came on the radio the other day and she said “I like this song because it reminds me of eating cookies.” The song was “Two is Better Than One.” I about died of laughter when she said that.

- My husband is amazing. He competed in the aforementioned CrossFit competition and took 8th in the mens’ division out of over fifty participants, many of whom are the best in the area. I’m constantly amazed at his strength and drive. Others at the gym said they are inspired by him that he practices what he preaches, and I couldn’t agree more.

- My fellow CrossFit friends are amazing. I saw them do things they didn’t think they could do this weekend at the competition, and I saw them gather around, encourage, and lift up teammates who didn’t think they could do any more. It was an awesome experience of community, inspiration, and motivation. I’m so thankful we can do things like this as a family. I can only hope and imagine what growing up in this life can do for Skyler as she grows up. I hope she grows up confident, believing she can do anything, with that drive to be her best and help those around her be their best.

- I’m wishing for a new lens for my camera. I know what I want, I just need to figure out how to get it, because it’s not cheap. Like it costs about three times as much as my camera and stock lens together. Hoping maybe my new blog about paleo recipes can bring in a few bucks to fund that wishlist item.

- This Winter has been surprisingly awesome in terms of weather. Today it was 55 degrees and thunderstorming. It felt like Spring. We’ve had only a handful of days in the twenties, and less than an inch of snow. I hope this doesn’t mean we get a late Winter that lasts through April.

- I’ve often struggled with my lack of enthusiasm and rainbows and sparkles and butterflies that are supposed to exist in the motherhood realm. Then I read this awesome blog post about parenting, and I knew I wasn’t weird and not alone. Her words described my feelings about motherhood exactly. Reading it was a huge sigh of relief that there wasn’t something wrong with me.

- Life is good. It’s far from perfect but we are doing our best to live it fully – reaching for more, trying new things, expecting the best of each other. I’m truly thankful for this life God has blessed me with.

Little Things

Today on the way to preschool/work, Skyler asked me “Mommy, when we get close to preschool, can you look at me in the mirror and smile like you did that one time when I wasn’t being happy?” I immediately smiled and agreed, and then just smiled to myself thinking about her simple request. I wouldn’t ever have remembered that moment she spoke of, had she not mentioned it. But it made me realize how much every thing I do impacts her. And it was nice that she remembered a “nice” moment, that my simple smile at her when she was feeling down one morning was memorable and had enough of a positive effect on her that she wanted it to happen again. Just that little smile in the rear view mirror. What a sweet and innocent request!

The girl remembers everything! EVERY. THING. I wish I could remember all the crazy stuff she remembers, long enough to document it here for safekeeping. But I can’t – there were at least three other things I thought of when I thought about writing this blog post, and those things are gone from my mind, so this is now significantly shorter and has much less to it than I had planned. But at least I remembered that one!

Wow, 2011.

I can confidently say I nailed this year! In so many ways, it could’ve nailed me. But I got the best of it. I’ve done these recaps on my blog for the last few years (2010, 2009, 2008), and this is by far the most fun year to answer the same questions.

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before? So many things, but all involved finding physical and mental capabilities that I never knew I had: my first pull-up, dead-lift, squatted more than my body weight, climbed a rope, flipped a 300 pound tire multiple times, shouldered 70 pound concrete balls, benchpressed over 100 pounds, and a multitude of other lifts and movements I’ve learned since Ronnie opened his gym.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Um…no, I guess I didn’t keep them. I didn’t attempt nearly all of them, and the two I really attempted turned out to be pretty unrealistic, but I made a very valiant effort. The vacation travel – I made it to Colorado and then we went to Florida again. It wasn’t Jamaica as originally planned, but it all worked out better anyway. And the pull-ups – apparently I set a goal to do 15 consecutive. I’ve got three. But I am dang proud of those. It’s been such an interesting journey to go from not doing any, to using the rubber bands for assistance and moving through to the lightest bands. And what’s crazy is that in this last half of the year, I haven’t been training specifically to do more pull-ups. Had I been doing that, I bet my goal would have been met. Instead I’ve been doing CrossFit, which means training a variety of things all the time, but not specializing in one, so really, nearly everything is getting better and stronger, not just my pull-ups. I will definitely be making resolutions for 2012. More to come on that later.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? My good friend Jesse had her third daughter at the beginning of this year.

4. Did anyone close to you die? “Close” is not the right description, but one of my bosses from my previous employer passed away unexpectedly in September. I wasn’t sure how I would react, but seeing his wife, children, and other family whom I knew, was incredibly emotional. The funeral was very sad, and it was heartbreaking to pay tribute to a life that seemed cut short.

5. What countries did you visit? I went to a bonfire party in the countryside of Jefferson City, Missouri, but did not make it out of this great nation last year.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011? A cleaner house. It is the one major stressor in my life and cleaning is the thing I hate spending my time doing. It literally brings me to tears on nearly a weekly basis. I plan to work it out in 2012 to afford a housecleaning service.

7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Two dates: February 24 – Google made a dramatic change in the search engine results that had a dramatic negative impact on the work I do in my career. It caused an incredibly challenging and nearly defeating year for me and the team I work with. Though we haven’t recovered or bounced back, I’ve recently decided to wipe the slate clean and start with a fresh perspective in the work I do there. The other date is May 1, as that is the day Ronnie took possession of the property that is now home to the rockin’ community of Sky’s Limit CrossFit. He had a vision, that is now our reality, and it has already positively impacted our life and that of so many others.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? The most satisfying achievement of the year was getting my first chin-up (not pull-up). It happened by accident, and I attempted it to prove to someone that I couldn’t do it. And surprised myself by doing it. It was something I’d never done before, and had attempted just months prior. The same thing happened when I surprised myself by climbing all the way up the rope at the gym. I had tried a few times over the summer, and finally at Thanksgiving, I did it! The realization of the strength gains I have made, and the feeling of doing things I had never done, was amazing, and gave me a new found confidence and hope in all the possibilities of my life ahead.

9. What was your biggest failure? Let’s go back to the housecleaning. I feel like a constant failure at home because I don’t make keeping the house clean a big enough priority. It stresses me out, but I can always find other things to do. And I hate the defeated feeling when I clean; I know I’ll be doing this same waste of time in a day or two, so why bother? No one else in this house makes it a priority and I’m sick of cleaning up after them, so I just give up.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? No, fortunately nothing notable.

11. What was the best thing you bought? I finally joined the world of smart phones and got a fancy touch screen Android phone in May, which has allowed me to waste more time on Facebook and playing Words With Friends. But we also got a new car to replace Ronnie’s old gross black car, which is a nice relief for me when we trade cars.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Ronnie – for chasing his dream and making it a reality!

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? I’m not sure, really. I hate watching the local news, because there is a homicide report a couple times a week at least. It’s depressing that so many people feel the need to kill each other.

14. Where did most of your money go? We refinanced the house, but it is still our largest bill, though preschool is almost as much as that per month!

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Personal records and progress at the gym, but also our vacation to Florida!

16. What song will always remind you of 2011? Party Rock Anthem by LMFAO. Why? I heard it almost daily this year and never got tired of it. Skyler and I would dance to it in the car on the way to and from work, and every time it came on it put me in a great mood!

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Happier! Happier! Happier!
b) thinner or fatter? Stronger.
c) richer or poorer? Richer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Use my nice camera to take photos. I totally slacked on that this year.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Yell at Skyler.

20. How did you spend Christmas? The traditional way, with family here in town.

21. Did you fall in love in 2011? This question is a weird one to answer every year. But I’ll take a different spin this year – I think I fell in love with life. New abilities, new confidence, new focus on health and well-being has made me see life differently. It was never bad before, but I’ve got a much more positive outlook and sense of adventure. We have so many blessings.

22. What was your favorite TV program? There was nothing to note until a few weeks ago when I was home with Skyler, she was sick, and I was bored out of my mind looking for something to do while we holed up inside. I came across Seasons 1 & 2 of Vampire Diaries on Netflix, thinking a couple episodes would be a good way to pass some time. Forty-four episodes and two weeks later, it’s my favorite show! Season 3 is on TV right now, so I’m trying to get caught up on Hulu. It is the perfect drama in between the cheesiness of Twilight and the craziness of True Blood.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Still not hateful.

24. What was the best book you read? I don’t think I really read much this year, nothing notable anyway.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery? Skyler has been seeing along with so many songs we hear in the car, and gets the words all mixed up, but it is the most adorable and wonderful sound to hear her singing. Especially when it’s hard rock music.

26. What did you want and get? To do pull-ups.

27. What did you want and not get? Double-unders.

28. What was your favorite film of this year? Still not a movie buff, but a few weeks ago we took Skyler to see Puss in Boots and I thought it was so cute. I think I enjoyed that movie way more than her and Ronnie. So many funny cat jokes!

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 32, and on my birthday I took it easy at home. The next night we went to dinner and a concert, which was my sort of substitute birthday. It was nice and drama-free.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Fewer screaming matches with Skyler. I am miserable when we don’t get along.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011? Stupid question, however I’ll say that I was much more comfortable in my own skin this year, so much more comfortable in anything I wore. I wore tank tops and slim-fitting shirts without feeling self conscious of flabby arms or waistline, and it was nice to just not worry about that!

32. What kept you sane? Working out.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Stupid question.

34. What political issue stirred you the most? Probably our national debt, but I didn’t pay too much attention this year. I’m sure with elections next year I’ll pay more attention. Oh, and the education sector had lots of changes and new regulations, which has greatly affected our clients at work and thus the work we do.

35. Who did you miss? I don’t recall, but I think I was too busy to miss anyone specifically.

36. Who was the best new person you met? I’ve met a whole bunch of great new people through Ronnie’s gym. New friends and “teammates” to encourage and motivate each other.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011. How about some inspirational quotes that spoke to me? “I want to live and die young, as old as possible.” “I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.” “You can have excuses or you can have results.”

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. From “Ultragigantor” by Red Line Chemistry:
Big machine
I’ll take it for a ride
Get inside and grow this
crushing sound
Deny the limitation

Happy New Year!

Happy Holidays

I’m a sap, I love the holidays. The decorations, the music, the traditions, the family time, the food, the memories. But oddly, despite my enjoyment of Thanksgiving and Christmas, I’m not the kind of person that goes overboard on Christmas decorations, Black Friday shopping for the best deals, or spending a fortune on gifts for Skyler. I don’t make a huge deal out of any of it, which is probably why it’s so enjoyable, because it doesn’t stress me out.

This year was our first year for Skyler to experience Santa. She got to meet him at preschool and tell him what she wanted for Christmas, so I made sure those requested gifts weren’t wrapped and under the tree till Christmas morning. I even made sure to use just tissue paper, otherwise Skyler would’ve connected that Santa used the same wrapping paper as we do (she actually questioned it when she saw a new present under there I had wrapped for Ronnie). We also got stockings this year, which “Santa” filled the night before Christmas as well. She had so many questions as she went to sleep on Christmas Eve regarding Santa’s whereabouts and his ETA, and since we don’t have a chimney, how would he get in? I finally eased her concerns and she went to sleep, while I quietly wrapped and placed Santa’s contributions. It was exciting and fun, something I didn’t expect, as I hoped she wouldn’t wake up to come out and catch me in the act!

This morning, she ran into our room to wake us, and said “Mommy, Santa came! There’s new presents under the tree!”

Christmas is always fun, but this year, with Skyler’s age, it was even more fun than ever, and I look forward to even more these next few years!

Moments of Fall

So, I guess it’s still Fall, and will be till December 22nd! That means I have a Fall birthday this year, and actually, most of December is in Fall this year…what’s up with that? This seems so odd to me…

Anyway, we’ve been busy, in a good way, and I don’t really have a lot to update. Our work is good, Skyler has been mostly enjoyable and funny, our social calendar is keeping us entertained, and we haven’t had bad Winter weather yet (but I guess it’s still Fall, right?). Life is good.

Here are a few shots of Skyler I got as she was enjoying the Fall weather a few weeks ago. Her fashion sense is impressive these days.

Meh.

Getting stuck at home for too many days out of a week takes it’s toll on my well-being like not many other things in life. Over Thanksgiving break, Skyler caught some bug that has had her puking on and off since Thanksgiving night, and with that long weekend at home and now two additional days off this week, I’m about to claw my own eyeballs out with cabin fever. We did very little of excitement or leaving the house over the break, except for the fun but freezing Chiefs game we got to attend on Sunday.

With Skyler puking all Monday morning, I graciously allowed her to watch Caillou ALL. DAY. LONG. His high-pitched little voice had my skin crawling by the time Ronnie got home. After noon, though, Skyler quickly rebounded and was her silly self, and hungry. I took it easy on the food still, but she was itching to get back to normal life. She went to school Tuesday but then I got a call in the afternoon that she had thrown up on herself, so I headed to bring her home. We didn’t make it out to the car for two minutes before she started puking again. Luckily the preschool director had given us a plastic bag for the road, so we promptly put that to use and saved her clothing and the car from a stinky mess. After a rough night with lots of vomit and a pathetic little girl, she was again bouncing off the walls today, and it was tough to keep her calm and happy.

After a battle to get her to nap today, I about had a nervous breakdown as I surveyed our trashed house – every direction I turned there was something that needed put away or cleaned. Not one single peaceful, clutter free space in this house. A lot was Skyler-instigated mess, but a lot was Ronnie’s or my laziness, or maybe just I-give-up-ness when her messes get so out of hand that putting our own stuff away won’t make a difference so we just let it all go. I texted Ronnie in my anger today that I was tired of living like a slobby teenage boy and teaching Skyler that it’s normal to live like this and we needed a plan to keep our messes from getting so out of control so fast. I mean, we do clean on most weekends, we just let it get out of control way too fast.

Then I skipped working out tonight, because I was already grumpy and felt like wallowing in it. Stupid, stupid. But that’s what happens when I get stuck in a little, messy house, with a sick midget for too many hours at a time. I could never, ever, be a stay at home mom.

Piece of My Heart

I was going to write this at the beach so the words would be fresh and pure, but like a smart vacationer, I didn’t bring my laptop. So this is the bottled up version that I carried back with me.

I don’t remember when it started, my love affair with the ocean – my first view of the ocean was around age 14 in Los Angeles, but was pretty brief. Since then I visited the ocean many times and locations throughout the years and always felt right at home. I’d been to the mountains several times too, and while breathtaking and beautiful, they never quite captured me the way the waves do. And then we discovered Anna Maria Island, that lovely, quiet little island where we got married, and though I joined my heart with Ronnie there, I must have left a piece of it in those turquoise waters.

When I sit in the soft, white, shell-speckled sand, and stare across the aqua blue, my heart feels whole. There is a peace that calms me. All the constant racing in my mind slows to a halt, and I can joyfully rest. The rhythm of the waves soothes as the sunshine warms. I try to close my eyes for a nap, but I cannot keep them from taking in the ever-changing hues of aqua, emerald, and blue as the sun makes its way across the sky, transforming the ocean into a new picture every hour. At the ocean, I hear Psalm 46:10: “Be still and know that I am God.”

Every time I go, I start scheming when I can go again. Though we didn’t take Skyler with us this time, I dream of her growing up with Anna Maria Island as her vacation spot. I even glanced at real estate, did some rough math, to figure out how we could invest in a vacation property down there that we could use regularly and even maybe retire to at some point.

But alas, the beach trip is over, and I am at home on a chilly Kansas Sunday typing this. Until next time…

Almost Paradise

We leave for Florida in less than four days. My excitement and anticipation has become that usual mix of anxiousness and fear I get now that I’m a parent and we’re leaving our baby behind for a few days. The awful “what-ifs” run through my mind when I think about flying in an airplane, and I remember that we should’ve put together a will long ago. Thoughts race ahead, past the flaming plane crash, to where would Skyler go? Would the grandparents fight over her or would it be settled graciously? What about the gym? Would it just shut down, and how would that play out? I see my messy closet and dresser and imagine family sorting through our things, trying to decide what to keep, donate, or sell. Would they judge me for the messy house I kept or be bitter that we hadn’t left things in less disarray?

The older I get, and the richer life becomes, the more I fear loss. But it’s silly that these feelings erupt so strongly when I’m preparing to get in an airplane. I get in a car every single day, where the chances for an accident are far more likely, and I usually have Skyler with me, so I should be fearing her safety more. But the day in day out routines feel safe, and don’t challenge my imagination the way air travel does. I only wish I could contain it so it wouldn’t put a damper on my excitement and anticipation.

It does help that Skyler is not resentful of us going back to Anna Maria Island without her. I kept it from her for awhile so as not to cause any tantrums or hard feelings, but when I finally revealed our destination, she just responded by asking me if there would be sharks in the ocean and would they get Daddy and me if we swam in it? She’s also extremely excited about her vacation to both Grandmas’ houses while we’re gone, and began packing her suitcase even before I began packing mine. She knows exactly when vacation is and has been counting down accordingly, even telling her teachers that she “can’t wait for Mommy and Daddy to go to Florida so I can get spoiled rotten by my Grandmas!”

Taking Care

It is the picture of Daddy-Daughter love: He is resting his head on her polka dot pillow, covered in her plush fleece butterfly blanket. She brings him a small stuffed bunny rabbit from her room, tucks it under the covers next to him, and rubs his head lightly with her little hand. She turns to me and whispers “That’s how you take care of people.” Then she crawls up on the couch with him and snuggles up.

This was the sweetest little episode I witnessed today, as Ronnie is down with a sinus thing that has him non-functional on the couch. And Skyler has been the sweetest little nurse, even doing her best to remember to whisper instead of talk out loud in her usually bubbly, nasally high-pitched voice.

She is a thoughtful little angel, and I’m sure the belief she has in her power to heal is actually true; her manners have reached into his heart and mended any ills. The physical symptoms may not have gone away, but the ability to bear them with her looking after him just got a little easier, and he’ll always remember her care, long after he’s recovered and his ailments have been forgotten.

Falling

Is October one of my new favorite months? The leaves are changing into gorgeous colors, the air is mild with windows open, butternut and acorn squash are abundant, and the Chiefs are finally lookin’ good. The only thing not to like are those extra chilly mornings that remind me of the coming Winter, which I do dread. But I’m learning as I age to embrace every season, for each brings it’s own unique mix of things I love and hate, and life goes by too fast to wish any portion of it away.

We are winding down a lovely weekend spent here at home. It began with one of my favorite things – sitting by the firepit on Friday night. Ronnie and I shared a bottle of Malbec by the fire as Skyler sat by us with her milk. She cracked us both up at one point when, while wearing her sweatshirt, she asked “So, when will I start sweating in my sweatshirt?” I love her little mind. The only downside of the evening was it was too short; I bought only a two hour log and we had no other firewood to keep it going, so the warmth faded fast.

Saturday was filled with the usual chores, but I didn’t get much chance to clean the house since Ronnie and his friend decided to tear a hole in the living room wall. We finally committed to creating an opening between our living room and dining room, so they got it done! We still have lots of finishing and cleaning to do, but I’m excited for how it turned out. This will make our living/dining area so much more usable, especially when we have people over. It’s also one of those things we wanted to do to increase the sell-ability of our house, as we’re hoping to be in our last couple years here. But I’m glad to get to enjoy the new feature for a bit!

View from the living room to dining room, with the mess

The dining room floor is still a mess, and there's more sanding to be done!

I also made for the second time, one of my new favorite recipes. It’s a sweet, comfort food recipe with acorn squash. Since I started eating “paleo” in August, I’ve had to get creative and try my hand at some cooking now and then. I am starting to enjoy cooking a little, especially when we discover delicious things like this! I do love me some squash, especially acorn or butternut. I could eat them every day.

And speaking of vegetables of the squash variety, Skyler picked her first pumpkin from the pumpkin patch that visited her preschool on Friday. Today she drew her very own jack-o-lantern design on it and Ronnie carved it out. She was adamant that she get to push the pieces out, and after hesitating from her first touch of the slimy inside, she quite enjoyed herself. And bonus, between yesterday’s acorn squash and today’s pumpkin, we’ve got lots of seeds roasting in the oven for a snack!

And, the Chiefs killed the Raiders! All in all, it was one solid Fall weekend.