Don’t Forget!

Sometimes I get caught up only writing about the significant things in our lives – major milestones, events, deep thoughts – that I forget to document some of the most wonderful things that come and go with Skyler. So here, I’m going to jot them down.

- Since she was sitting in a highchair, Skyler has always wiggled with delight anytime she eats something tasty. She will kick her legs rhythmically during an entire meal of something she enjoys. And if not in her highchair, for instance sharing a piece of chocolate or a cookie with one of us while we’re sitting on the couch, she’ll run around or jump up and down once she gets that tasty bite in her mouth. The way she enjoys good food makes me enjoy good food even more!

- Another food-related memory we like to call “the baby bird.” When she wants what we are eating, she just walks up with her face as close to the food as possible and her mouth wide open, big eyes staring at us. Waiting, patiently, expectantly, for a morsel to make it’s way in her mouth.

-Some kids suck their thumbs are play with the silky tag on a stuffed animal. Skyler plucks Pink Bear’s fur. Between two fingers she absent-mindedly pulls up on his fur, when she’s riding with him in the car, falling asleep, or even just walking by him on the floor, she’ll stop briefly to get a good pluck or two and the be on her way.

- She has been into blankies for awhile now. She found her flannel receiving blankets stacked in a drawer and now they are always out and about everywhere (there’s at least a dozen). She likes to spread them out flat on the floor, or cover up Pink Bear, Bruno, Mom, Dad, dolls, pillows, you name it. But she only likes to cover things up one blankie at a time. If she asks for help and you pile several blankies on at once, she gets upset and yells “One at a time!”

- Ever since she was recovering from her surgery she’s had protein shakes to drink on a regular basis. We all drink whey protein in this household, so the top of our fridge has bags & containers of different brands and flavors depending what’s on sale or if Ronnie’s clients gave him some they didn’t like (score!). Skyler now knows that’s where her “chocolate milk” comes from, and she’s particular on which bag even. Currently there’s a purple bag of protein with a colorful diagram on the back that she thinks looks like a beach ball, and a black bag with green on it. When she wants milk she’ll ask for either the “beach-a-ball one” or “gween one.” I don’t think she really knows the difference in taste, but it’s more which bag she likes the look of better at that time.

I’m sure there are many other little things I should be writing down, but that’s all I can think of at the moment. These are the things I’m going to need to dig down and remember fondly someday when she’s an introverted teenager that doesn’t talk to us!

Our Ride Home From Daycare

Skyler: Skyler wide in car. Skyler bye-bye in car. Skyler bye-bye in car home.
Me: Yep, say “Bye-bye Darlene!”
Skyler: Bye Bye Daryeen! Bye bye Wowen (Owen). Wowen go home. Wowen go home.
Me: What about Owen’s sister Ella?
Skyler: Elya go home. Elya bye bye go home. Benben (Benjamin) go home. Jackon (Jackson) go home. Wywee (Riley) bye bye go home. Wywee go home.
Me: Did Sydney go home?
Skyler: Sinnee gone. Sinnee gone home. Sinnee bye bye home.
(a few moments pass)
Skyler: Mimmix (music) off. Mimmix OFF!!!
Me: You want me to turn the music off?
Skyler: Yaaaah. Mimmix off.
(a few moments of SILENCE as we go by a pasture)
Me: Look over there. Are the horses there?
Skyler: Horsees horsees horsees! Where da horsees? I see horsees. I see horsees. Where?
Me: It’s raining, they must’ve gone inside.
Skyler: Horsees inside. Its waineen. Horsees inside.
(silence till stoplight)
Skyler: I see car. I see car. Ky-ett (quiet?) car.
Me: Quiet car? Huh?
Skyler: Quiet car. Car seepeen.
Me: That car is sleeping?
Skyler: Yaaaah. Car seepeen.
Me: Hmm. Okay.
Skyler: Daddy seepeen. Daddy seepeen.
Me: Daddy was sleeping this morning? Yes, yes he was.
Skyler: Skyler seepeen. Daddy rockee. Daddy turn mimmix on.
Me: Yes, Last night Daddy rocked you with the music on and you fell asleep!
Skyler: Yaaaah.
(pause)
Skyler: I wan Daddy. Daddy hugs. Daddy hugs (I look in the rearview mirror and she’s hugging Pink Bear).
Me: Aw, yes you can give Daddy hugs when we get home.
Skyler: Daddy kisses. Daddy kisses (as she’s kissing Pink Bear on the nose).
Me: Yep! You can give Daddy hugs and kisses when we get home. He’ll be so happy to see you!
Skyler: Back home. Bye bye back home.
Me: We’re almost home!
Skyler: Back home!

1,000 Miles a Minute

It’s hard to believe and explain how quickly Skyler is growing up. Her awareness, interaction, and vocabulary are exploding right now. And her personality…GEEZ her adorable, hilarious, obnoxious, headstrong personality! I see so much of her dad and myself in her unique little ways.

I’ve never seen a child as busy as she is. She builds the blocks up tall and knocks them down, cracking up hysterically when they scatter across the floor on impact, and then she does it again. And again. It cracks her up more and more each time. And lately she insists on my involvement. “Mommy pay bocks! Mommy pay bocks!” And if I don’t immediately stop what I’m doing to sit on the floor and play blocks with her, I am in TROUBLE! Whines, squeals, and a meltdown of disastrous proportions. So I’ve been playing a LOT of blocks lately!

I love her interpretations of language these days. Recently she was pointing at the floor next to her, and adamantly telling me what sounded like “Mommy, bayou! BAYOU!” I’m thinking where the heck does she get this word for the swamps in Louisiana?!?! We visited there while she was in my belly, but this makes no sense! It took me a few episodes of this conversation to realize she was trying to say “Mommy, sit by me! Sit by me!” But she hears me say so often “Want Mommy to come sit BY YOU?” Proper use of pronouns is so overrated!

We were also looking at a book recently, and there was an old looking camera, that she pointed to and said “Mimix!” which is her word for music. She must have thought it looked like the music box in her crib. I said “It’s actually a camera,” and from then on, when she sees that picture in the book, she points and says “Ashlee camma!”

She’s also perfecting her slang. When we ask her a question, she almost always answers with “Ummm…” while she thinks of the real answer. If she doesn’t know the answer she even looks like she’s thinking really hard and answers with “Ummm…?” And she’s moved on from answering “yes” when appropriate. Now she says “Yep!” or “Kay!”

Today at daycare I witnessed a side of her that I wondered if it existed. I was squatted down on the floor while she showed me a toy that she’s been especially infatuated with lately. Riley, who is a sweet little boy around 18 months, walked over next to me and started leaning in to me for what I thought might be a friendly kiss or hug. Skyler looked up and immediately shoved him away from me! He and I both were shocked! I scolded her to be nice, at which point she grabbed Pink Bear, and sternly told Pink Bear to “BE NICE!”

Finally, though I could go on and on about her antics these days, I’ll finish with this lovely note. She and I were playing around in my bed the other night, just the standard peekaboo and goofing around, when she stopped and turned to me rather seriously and out of the blue said “I wan baby brudder.”

!!!!!!!

Waking Up

The passed two nights I’ve been waking nearly every hour throughout the night. I look at the clock dreadfully thinking my alarm is about to sound, only to see with relief that I have several hours left of the night. I pass right back out. And then an hour later, I’m doing it again. By morning, I’m exhausted from not having any deep sleep. Though I’m dreaming – I remember a few vivid dreams (not good ones) so maybe my weird sleep pattern is deeper than I think. It still makes for a long and unrestful night.

It’s also dark longer in the mornings. I’ve never felt myself longing for Daylight Savings to end until now. Waking up before there is even a hint of light through the windows has been so difficult! It feels way too early, so I hit the snooze and then end up rushing around to get Skyler and I out the door in time for work.

My lack of sleep consistency has been taking a toll on my mind at work lately, but moreso has the heartbreaking story of Pierce Phillips, a two-year-old little boy who is quickly losing his battle with cancer. He is the son of my friend’s cousin, and I’ve been following his story for over a year now when he was first diagnosed. It has been a hard-fought battle that seemed almost won, until a couple months ago he took a surprising turn for the worst and treatment became ineffective. His parents made the terrifyingly painful decision to bring him home and spend his last days and weeks in peace with them in their own home.

After being home and making the best of life for the last couple weeks, today we heard from my friend the news that the end was very near, and the family was saying their final goodbyes. My heart has ached and my tears have fallen over and over for this family I don’t even know, as I cannot imagine the experience they are living right now. It’s just not natural for a parent to have to watch their child die.

Tonight I thought about my recent sleep patterns, and then wondered if Pierce’s mother and father have slept at all through this time, and how much they’ve probably feared sleep, afraid they might miss their son’s last laugh, smile, or soft touch of his hand. And then I prayed for peace and rest for all of them, as soon as possible. But then I realized how dreaded his parents first sleep will be once he is finally at peace. Their bodies may welcome the rest, but waking up each time after that day is come is going to be so, so HARD. There is that moment you wake up from a deep sleep or crazy dreams, and your mind tries to clarify for reality. I cannot fathom what that will be like for them soon enough, in that moment each day when they must remember how their life has changed and the great loss they are living. I just can’t imagine.

Skyler has been extra “bipolar” lately, but despite her tantrums and whines, she’s also been extra sweet and snuggly. In the wake of Pierce’s family’s battle, I’ve been reminded again to take those extra moments to cherish Skyler. I rock her a little longer and hold her a little tighter. I’ve found more joy in just watching her be busy with her toys, even if it means she’s trashing my living room.

I know everything happens for a reason, and with all sad stories, sometimes we wonder why. Pierce’s story may be teaching me to find more joy and cherish my family, but that’s not a good enough reason why. Maybe his story has taught hundreds of those who have followed along to find more joy and cherish their loved ones. But that still doesn’t seem a good enough reason why. His parents have shown an incredible amount of faith and hope through this whole experience, but I have a hard time believing their testimony of faith is a good enough reason why. None of it seems enough, none of it worth it.

I wish I had a better way to end this post. But I don’t. I thought maybe writing it all out, I would find my way to a resolution that made sense. God didn’t reveal anything significant to me to share something profound with any readers. So I guess I’ll just keep praying and hoping that for Pierce’s mommy and daddy, God will provide them peace and answers soon enough.

Bikers for Babies KC 2009

Awe inspiring. Overwhelming. Humbling. Thrilling.

Those are just a few words to describe our first experience as part of Kansas City Bikers for Babies last Sunday. But they don’t even begin to capture the magnitude of the event for those of us that rode, and those that benefit from the cause.

I knew I was in for something big when Saturday morning, Ronnie and I hopped on our bike, joined by Mom & Dad, my brother Matt and his girlfriend, and Ronnie’s Uncle Mark, and headed to North KC’s Worth Harley Davidson for preregistration. We had registered online but needed to pick up our packets for Sunday’s event.

It was a GORGEOUS morning. But my turns on the bike have been few and far between, and I will admit, by that morning, I had yet to love this machine. There is always a mix of fear and purposelessness (is that a word?) that has made it difficult for me to enjoy riding. But I kept trying every chance I got because Ronnie loves it so much.

Something was different that Saturday morning. Maybe it was the sense of community that I felt riding with family members around us on the interstate, or the fact that we were doing this for a cause. Or maybe, I was just finally used to it. The preregistration experience itself was pretty dang cool. We rolled into the parking lot at Worth, being directed by parking attendants, to form some type of manageable parking arrangement for hundreds of bikes, all there for pregistration. 98.9 and Johnny Dare were there, chatting with riders about past Babies rides and some sharing their personal experiences with birth defects in babies they’ve known.

We got in line, and when the volunteers saw how much donations we’d raised ($1,230), they rang some bells and clapped and cheered, especially when they heard we were first-timers. We got a bunch of cool swag as freebies for the donations, walked around the store, and then headed out for some Westport Flea Market burgers (best ever!). And it was only lunchtime!

We took it easy the rest of the day since we had an early start to make the pancake breakfast before the ride on Sunday. Ronnie’s friend Jeremy & Uncle Mark met us Sunday morning to head toward Kansas Speedway (the NASCAR track) for the event where we would meet up with the rest of our crew (my parents, brother, and long-time family friend, Ken & wife Chris).

This is where I started getting choked up, and it was only 8 o’clock in the morning before we even got to the event! We’re heading toward I-70, and as we merge, a few more bikers join us. The next onramp, more bikers. The next, more. Our little crew of 3 bikes had turned into dozens as we exited toward the Speedway, where all of a sudden, there were hundreds of us riding in for Bikers for Babies. I was caught up, and the official ride of thousands of bikes hadn’t even begun!

Despite the crowd, we had no trouble finding the rest of our crew, and besides a short wait for everyone to catch up at the beginning of the ride, we set off riding west out of KC. It was a nice scenic ride, but my favorite parts were riding through the little towns, b/c it seemed that everyone came out to cheer us on. Members of every towns fire department and police force were out and about, some to help with the traffic flow, some just to clap, wave, and observe the phenomena of over 6,000 motorcycles passing through their little towns. Little kids held up handmade signs, touching my heart so deeply, saying “Thank you Bikers for helping me” and a church group’s sign said “God Loves Bikers.”

We met another biker couple along the way with custom-made shirts like we wore (for Skyler), and their daughter had lost her battle with several heart defects (one of which Skyler had) five years ago when she was two and a half. It was chilling and humbling speaking with them, and I couldn’t fathom how even five years later, how they could talk about the day their daughter woke up in the hospital unresponsive after nine days of treatment and a seemingly manageable diagnosis. I choked on thoughts of that happening when Skyler was being treated.

The highlight of the day was when Ronnie’s mom brought Skyler up to meet us after the ride was over. I saw them walking toward where we sat eating lunch, and I dropped my food and took off toward them. Skyler recognized me and smiled and came running into my arms for the biggest hug! She especially got a kick out of seeing her face on the back of our shirts.

I suppose I should wrap this extra long post up now, so I’ll end it with a few of my favorite pics of the event. There are so many more on Flickr, so if you want to see them, please click the Flickr feed on the right column of the site and check out the “Bikers for Babies” set. Thanks again to everyone who donated – that was with only three weeks of us fundraising. Next year we plan on being even more prepared to more than double what we did this year!

Skyler wearing Daddy's motorcycle boots!

Present

I feel like I have so much to write about but I haven’t taken the time to sit and do it! I meant to do it over my lunch hour today, but instead I got a yummy salad from Jason’s Deli and watched part of Planet Earth with some coworkers, just to change things up a bit!

We had an awesome weekend, for so many reasons, but I’m saving that for my next post when I feel like writing a lot! And coming up this Saturday is Girls’ Weekend, where I’m headed to Hermann to meet my girlfriends for a day of wine tasting! I’m so looking forward to it! Ronnie will be hangin’ at home with Skyler and finishing some house projects, like grouting the kitchen tile backsplash. I can’t wait to see it finished, as it already looks so much better than the plain wall that was there before! Plus, he says he’s got a surprise for me when I come back on Sunday, so that’s something to look forward to!

Today I picked Skyler up from daycare and on the way home, I saw two deer grazing in a small grassy area by an intersection, so I poked at the window and tried to get Skyler to look over there. I didn’t think she’s even notice them since she has no reason to know what a deer. But as I pointed and said “Look it’s a deer! There’s two deer over there!” She looked out the window and responded with “They’re eating grass!”

I’ve underestimated her intelligence AGAIN!

Party in the Park

Skyler’s second birthday (I feel like I JUST posted photos from her first birthday – crazy!). This post will be short on words, but long on pictures!

Cooper, my parents labrador, joined us for the party.

Exploring the park with Granny

Blowin’ out the candle (with Daddy’s help!)

Sharing cake with Gramma Oswald, and then rounds of sharing with everyone else

This year she was much more into opening presents. Though she didn’t quite realize she was the center of it all, she enjoyed finding out what was under the paper or inside the bag.

Not too sure about one of her new tricycles

But once Daddy made it go fast, she was all about it!

Onto the playground for swinging, of course.

Climbing up to the slide

She wouldn’t go down without Mommy

But Daddy wasn’t as nice!

Playing on the bench by Uncle Sterling

and with Gramma and Grampa Kelley

Practicing her jumps with Mommy’s help

Uncle Matt and Darci got quite a kick out of Skyler’s various park antics

Partys over, time to go home and play with all the new toys!

September 11

On September 11th, 2009, Skyler turned two! But of course, she still didn’t grasp the concept of her birthday. We greeted her in the morning with Happy Birthday’s & extra enthusiasm for the day, but to her, it was any ol’ day, headed to Darlene’s for another play day with Riley, Sydney, Ella, and the rest of the kids she asks for when she wakes up. Lately she’s wanted to take along several items with her to daycare, so I found the cute kitty-cat backpack that had been given to her by my friend as a babyshower gift, and thought now is the time for her to put it to use! But on our way out the door, she threw a fit because all her things were inside it and she couldn’t see them.

I dropped her off at daycare and headed to work. Of course, since this day is also a mournful day in our country’s history, I listened to the various radio tributes the rest of my way to work and remembered where I was that day in 2001. That eerie sad feeling came back to me as it does every year. I don’t think that feeling ever fades or gets weaker as the years go by, and I’m grateful for that. It seems some have forgotten the cruel attack on our country and the many deaths of the undeserving.

But since this day on 2007, I’ve had to balance the mourning and remembrance with the celebration of Skyler’s birthday. And for that, I am also grateful. Many friends and acquaintances have commented that “it’s too bad that is Skyler’s birthday” and apologized for how hard that must be for us. But I disagree. Skyler’s birthday signifies hope and life, just as every other birthday, so what better day to celebrate, than a day when hope seems hard to find?

After work & daycare, we celebrated by going to dinner at one of our favorite (oops I mean Skyler’s favorite) restaurants, and then, I don’t know if I should admit this or not, we took Skyler to the toy section of Wal-mart to pick out her present! Is that tacky and unceremonial? We have an excuse: We had planned to have everyone chip in and get her a swingset with slide, because she’s so obsessed with them. That was the plan until last week, when Ronnie’s Granny offered the nice swingset at her house to us, for free! So I hadn’t even thought about other presents for Skyler, and still felt we needed to buy her something. So we decided to let her pick some toys out.

We get to Wal-mart, and what does she go for? A $2 plastic ball. Like she already has at home and at both Grandma’s, and at daycare. Really, child? We try to skip it because she doesn’t need another toy ball, and head for the aisle of age-appropriate toys. She proceeds to have a dramatic breakdown in front of the Dora & Elmo dolls, so we give in and let her have another new $2 ball. Even though that is all she cares about, Ronnie and I go ahead and pick out an educational Leap Frog computer thingy and a Magna Doodle Pro. Oh, and some magnetic letters for the fridge.

We have a party at the park with family this Sunday, so we let her play with the ball but we are wrapping everything else so she can open it then. She doesn’t care anyway, since the only thing she cares about is that cheap ball. Which she brought with her to bed for this afternoon’s nap!

This and That

Yesterday we had a family portrait session with Rebecca, and this time to include a lot more of the family: my parents, my brothers, and my Grandma. We met Rebecca down in the West Bottoms area of downtown to get some unique urban shots instead of the traditional park setting we’ve done in the past. Various things happened leading up to the shoot that made me think I should’ve cancelled until another time, like Skyler’s bad hair day (that NEVER happens), or the mosquito that bit her cheek on the ride there. And then as we got out of our cars at the first meeting place, when the fighter jets flew right overhead because the KC Airshow was going on less than a mile away, I knew this was a disaster waiting to happen. Skyler buried her face and slapped her hands over her ears in terror.

But we trudged on through to some alleyways, and luckily, the airshow took a long and quiet break so we got in lots of uninterrupted shots. Rebecca showed me several previews on her camera throughout the session, and I was so excited by what I saw! It’s going to be a couple weeks till we see all the images, but I’m now confident that it was worth the hurdles and I’m glad we stuck it out! I don’t know how I would’ve been able to coordinate everyone’s schedules again during nice weather without having to wait another year!

In other news, we have a fun Fall coming up, and this recent mild weather is getting me into the mood for the cooldown. Skyler’s birthday is fast approaching, we’ll be riding in our first Bikers for Babies the week after that, a girls’ trip to Hermann Missouri for winery tours, and then a Chief’s game at the end of October. Oh, and I suppose this will be Skyler’s first real Halloween since she’ll be old enough for trick-or-treating! So we have a lot to look forward to, which will pretty much carry us into November, which is Holiday time, and then all of a sudden it’s going to be 2010. Yikes.

The Good Life

Ronnie recently made a big decision to step down from his Fitness Manager position at the gym and just focus on personal training. A part of his decision was for financial reasons, and the other part was personal. The management position was causing him a fair amount of stress, taking the joy out of doing something he loves. So now he’s doing only the part he loves, which also includes working fewer hours during the day, and being able to leave as soon as his last appointment in the evening is done. While managing, he used to have every intention of leaving after his final appointment, but then managerial duties would call, and he’d be required to stay later.

I don’t know if either of us realized how much positive this change would bring us. First, I didn’t realize how stressed out Ronnie was every evening and weekend until the stress was gone. He is like a different person now when he walks through the door after work; much more relaxed and in a lighter mood.

Second, he usually has a few free hours during the middle part of the day that he used to do admin work. Now, he uses those hours to take a nap, go for a motorcycle ride, run errands, or best of all, come home and CLEAN THE HOUSE. That last item has been nearly the best thing about all of this. Though he’s not home much more to help me with Skyler, his coming home and cleaning has taken such a weight off the things for me when I’m home alone with Skyler. There is just such an amazing, peaceful feeling of walking into a clean house, even if your hands are full of Toddler & Toddler Accessories, after they’ve whined the entire way home from daycare.

I’m sad to say this for the risk of sounding terribly materialistic and shallow, but the new state of cleanliness in our home has made me a happier person all around, and certainly improved Ronnie’s and my relationship. One of my favorite mom bloggers described this phenomena rather comically (as usual) in the last paragraph of this post. Ha ha.

The ultimate result of these changes is more enjoyable family time. As they say, when momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy, and of course the opposite holds true. We spent a lovely Friday evening last night at one of our favorite Westport restaurants, McCoy’s with Skyler charming all the restaurant staff and guests, followed by stopping at not one, but two parks around the neighborhood. Another family of young ones at the second park commented how it’s funny the way as parents we spend our Friday evenings nowadays. Yep, we still “partied” in Westport last night, but not the way we used to. And it’s still a great life.